dear renata ford.

I don’t want to know what goes on behind closed doors at your house. I want to know even less than I do now. Your husband has told us all enough, didn’t he? I think we can all agree that he did.

I wouldn’t ever be able to imagine how you’re feeling right now and I wouldn’t want to wish ill feelings on another. In the wake of everything that has happened and especially today’s events, however, I do hope that you are feeling embarrassed. I do hope that you are feeling shame. I certainly hope these feelings are not shameful towards yourself but towards your husband and the things he has said recently.

I find it impossible to think that you have been blind to all of his activities. You must have known about most of them. You certainly know about the ones he talked about today. But to be honest, I had no idea you even existed until two weeks ago (a little odd for a politician’s wife, no?) and now I’m hearing about the Ford forays into cunnilingus. I would rather I hadn’t heard about this, to be honest. I would rather not know that you have genitals or what you choose to do with them at all.

I feel for you. Having reporters follow you around asking you questions about things you probably do not want to talk about cannot be easy. It isn’t very fair of anyone to be asking you whether or not your husband should resign from his very important position of Mayor of Toronto. You are in a bit of a rock and a hard place situation, aren’t you? You can’t very well go on live television and say whatever comes to your mind first and risk embarrassing your husband with your candor. Oh, wait.

I also feel for your children and how difficult it must be at this very moment to toe the line between parenthood, supportive (yet likely totally peeved) wife, and finding a way to answer all the questions that are likely being asked by everyone from reporters, friends, family, and your children themselves. Or maybe they have just decided not to ask. I suppose in this situation I would rather not know. Except they already do. And they couldn’t be very happy about it, I’d imagine.

I’ve grown very tired over the years of watching spouses of those in high-profile positions stand on the sidelines, ever supportive, in the midst of some scandal and refuse to show anything but devotion to their other half. It does not reflect badly on the spouse if they choose to walk away during their husband or wife’s “time of need”. In your case, it can only reflect worse on you if you continue to support your husband publicly and unfailingly in the wake, and likely still approaching typhoon, of all the ridiculous information we have received. I want you to know that I wouldn’t fault you for not showing your face during all of this (you’ve hardly shown it up to this point, you don’t have to start now) and allowing your husband to bear the brunt of this on his own. I can’t say what part you have had, if any, in any of the allegations that have been made about your husband and I sincerely hope that, even with the likely knowledge you had of his actions, you did not make your hands dirty with his own deeds.

Your husband talked about eating your pussy on live television this morning. I know you know this. I know you’ve thought about it. I hope you are angry about it and I hope that he knows it. There is nothing shameful about a healthy, sexual relationship with your husband. There is nothing shameful about engaging in and enjoying sexual acts. But some things are between two people for a reason. And some things are not meant to be said. What your husband said was rude, crass, unnecessary, disrespectful, and absolutely insulting. I hope you know that you don’t have to show your support for him on the public stage if you don’t want to. I’d rather not see you holding his hand, personally.

I also sincerely hope that if any of the allegations regarding a third tape, sexual in nature, turn out to be true that you definitely and steadfastly do not allow yourself to support him. Don’t give yourself up in all of this. Take responsibility for whatever it is you might be responsible for but don’t allow yourself to go down with his sinking ship.

And don’t allow your kids to, either.

I have no idea who you are. Today was the first time I had ever seen your face. This was after I knew you engaged in oral sex. That isn’t okay with me. You deserve better.

Or maybe you are just like him. I have no idea.

But I hope it is the former. I really do.

7 thoughts on “dear renata ford.

  1. i agree with your conclusion that Renata Ford deserves better. It was shameful for Rob Ford to make an implied reference to sex with his wife, in Toronto City Hall, that instantly spread a mental image around the world. He is a profane clown in a demented circus.

    Since you put forth the ethical position that sex should be kept between two people, why would you publish multiple *explicit* references to Mrs. Ford’s sex life? If you cared about her children, you would have put that commentary in an envelope and sent it to her directly instead of posting it on the web where it can be accessed by her kids and their classmates.

    I imagine Renata has enough to deal with right now without reading pity porn in a public commentary masquerading as marital advice from a total stranger.

    • I apologize if my intentions did not come across clearly – while written as an open letter, this was also a public commentary dealing with my opinion on “standing by your man”. I did not say anything that was not previously said in the media and, while I understand at times my style of writing can veer in the untoward language direction, I did not think it would be so offensive. I also do not believe putting this here would any more harm her children than anything else in the media today.

  2. No apologies are necessary Caity! I read with interest and as you intended, as an open letter, only woman-to-woman. You honestly penned what many are thinking and feeling but are not able or capable of articulating – as well as you have. Renata, as with many other wives of infamous men who ‘stand by their man’ for the myriad of reasons they sadly conjure up, are not viewed with respect by many healthy-minded women. I for one, will share your letter with many others. Rob and Renata’s children have been severely harmed and damaged by the actions of their own parents – more than any words could ever manage, including your letter. By the way, I perceive the above comment as a personal attack from an individual, with much to hide.

  3. Sometimes what a writer expresses about other people says a lot more about who they are than it does about anyone else. You are clearly attacking, trying to humiliate and torment a complete stranger because she is married to a man you hate. You talk about how lewd Mayor Ford’s comments are and at the same time make even more repulsive statements than he has ever made. You lack introspection and are like Ford when he was on one of his drunken rages. Except you are not drunk (are you?). You are simply a vicious, hypocritical bully.

  4. Hhhhhmmm as I sit here and read the letter to Renata Ford and the subsequent posted comments all I can do is wonder … and remember ….

    Wonder why WE as self-proclaimed ‘open-minded strong’ women still tear each other down instead of building one another up? I don’t think that the penned letter was intended to undermine Renata Ford as either a mother and or women but somehow when you read it that is exactly what it feels like it does. Yes FEELS … It is so so hard to stand by your family and support it when your partner strips away at your very soul …

    A couple of years ago in front of our world, our children and the people and influences that mean the most my husband of 16 years had a 6 month affair. What an absolute struggle that was for me and my children … It took everything to ‘show-up’ in my life every day in every way BUT I had to I had to …

    I am a smart woman, a great mother, a wonderful daughter, a sincere sister and an un-apologetic take no prisoner’s lioness and yet I was stunned – I felt as if I couldn’t move and some days I literally couldn’t. Understand this ALL you self-proclaimed ‘open-minded strong’ women that it takes COURAGE and STRENGHT to behave with absolute dignity and poise the way that Renata Ford has.

    Honestly when EVERYONE judges and questions and suggests their many marvelous remedies for your life as they see it while you hang on with white knuckles to the chaotic roller coaster that has become your life – it takes everything, everything in your being not to just scream out !!! To even suggest that Renata Ford does not recognize or feel this way is both cruel and dim-witted.

    She knows and she feels it … She sees it through the pain in the faces of her children every day.
    She sees it through disapproving glares from her father and mother every day.
    She sees it through the ridiculing stares on the faces of her closest friends every day.
    And she reads, hears and sees it from the ‘high moral many’ who choose to belittle and vilify her every day.

    …. Renata Ford despite the many criticisms that are forced upon you by the many who ‘think they know’ you are an anchor.

    Little ones your mom loves you very very much … A lot will be said and written about her and your family. I am sorry that you are faced with all that you going through right now. You hang in there and support your mom at every turn.

    Sensationalism aside – hopefully the rest of us will keep thinking about these people and not just the story … Their lives are profoundly shaken by what they are going through right now… Move forward and make the letter’s we decide to pen to them count for something more …

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